When the Going Gets Tough

On February 25, 2017, I published these carefully crafted words.

Five years ago, I struggled to stay afloat–literally and spiritually. I was inhaling more water than oxygen. A few short weeks later, my world drastically changed. I initiated the change. Not wholly in the correct way, however, I “took” when God said He would “give.” I had strongholds; I had addictions (not drugs or alcohol, but relationship addictions). I had idols. Back then, I wasn’t aware of the exact magnitude of these idols. Hindsight is valuable; now I see it. Kind of like, “I once was blind, but now I see.” Even in my wrongness, God worked all things for His glory. His grace is good (“good,” meaning He wants awesomeness for me). His grace wants awesomeness for my life.  

Relationship addiction is a topic to write about, just not today. It’s a very subtle one that demands time and involves the stronghold of “taking.” That is not what catches my attention today.  

Today, the phrase “it’s just easier this way” grabs my attention. Just (literal) yesterday, I was thinking about fighting the good fight, finishing this race, and how blasted hard walking out salvation actually is. “Good Lord,” I thought, “how much easier is it to go watch TV and spend my free time doing nothing.” Each moment is a choice to go with the flow or fight the good fight. We have to “contend for the faith,” as it says in Jude 3. This everyday fight is not easy. We are in a battle; I am in a battle. Just as I fight one topic or area (character flaw, stronghold, the list of words is infinite) down and gain ground, a new one pops up. I have to continually subdue the previous keep that in submission while battling what is right in front of my face. That is why His word says, “put on the armor” in Ephesians 6. And then the Lord says to me, “hand it over, let me fight. Stick close and worship me. Watch how good I am and then tell me how good I am.”  

The scene in my mind is a funny one. Imagine with me Jesus dressed in a white robe, sparkly blue sash, sandals on His feet, and a crown of thorns on His head. His aura is stunning– “mount of transfiguration” glowing. Yet, He is fighting on a rocky, very dingy battlefield where He is in color but everything else is subdued sepia, very brown. With one hand, He simply wields an epic sword. As he waves it, my adversaries fall. I don’t think He makes contact, He waves it and they fall. His ear-to-ear grin suggests he is having fun. He looks back at me, standing on a rock in my armor, protected, and shouts, “Hey! Watch this move!” And gleaming Jesus makes a fancy kick/spin/slashing move that rocks the enemy. My only reaction is applause! Like David, in Psalms, I shout, “Jesus, you are amazing! There is nothing you can’t do! Weehoo!” And that is the Lord fighting my battles while all I do is worship how amazing He truly is. When I forget this, I am left to try it independently. I can’t even lift the sword. When I can’t stand on the battlefield, of course, it’s easier to just go with the flow of defeat, let the undertow pull me out, and drown me.  

Walk by faith.

Let Him fight. Mount of transfiguration glowing, sword-wielding martial arts Jesus kicks butt (yes, I just said that). Dare I say, be His biggest cheerleader?  

February 25, 2017

My colorful world morphed to dull when I failed to worship God. I applauded this earth and all creatures here below; I neglected to notice the fade.

Forgetting the fade

My hopes, my identity, and my future tightly wrapped in the hands of humanity staged the basis of my worth. The creed of my life stated, “It’s just easier this way.” Life appeared manageable when I slipped away from the battle and went with the flow; the fight calmed, and the chaos ceased. With that, I surrendered my strength to fight. Subtly, I gave my worship away to things that did not care about my soul. 

Worship is Power

When I worship what the Creator created instead of the Creator, I abandon the power needed to fight the world’s weight.

Without His power, the spiraling cycle of destruction in my life is never-ending. The current of the undertow is mighty; on my own, I am unable to fight. As quickly as my head is above water, the hands of the undertow grab my feet and whisk me away. The struggle to stay afloat is real. Yes, it is easier to go with the flow, be sucked under, and drown under the weight of water. It is also detrimental to my health.

If I could turn my life into words on a page, I would tell of what happens when you know God but forget to praise and worship Him as God. The story of separation has a desolate feel and fighting my way out of the current is the biggest struggle of my life. Outside forces fight against my daily battle to identify with Christ. The undertaking of belief in who God’s word says I am and not what this world says is mighty. The loud voice within me who chants the word “failure” is persuasive, consistently pointing out my flaws and areas of lack. While the still small voice whispers, “you are who I say you are; I am the one who made you.” If I do not worship, I will not hear that still small voice, and the noise of this world wins.

My only means of escape are through praise and worship. When this world is too much with me, which happens more often than I will admit, the only way to keep my head above the rising tide is to raise my hands and cry “Yahweh!” –He who was and is to come is the one who lives in me!