**Author’s note–Or maybe this is a note to me? I accomplished the challenge; it changed my world. In time, I will publish all of the gratitude series. Not that I expect you to read them all, but really, I want a written record of where I once was and precisely what God has done in my world. Some of it was unreal. If I hadn’t journaled, I would never believe it.
Like Thanksgiving and the Holiday season, I never imagined I would have all of the holiday “feels” back. I never thought I could experience “family” again.
In looking back, I am reminded that nothing I did caught God off guard. Like Adam, He knew my exact hiding location. However, I didn’t believe I mattered enough for Him to step into my hell. In fact, it wasn’t until most of the way through my first Celebrate Recovery step study did I come to realize how much I mattered to God or anyone for that matter. It’s jaw-dropping. I also see a patient God who loves at all costs.
November of 2016, with the realization of what God did, my life began to change.
I consider this day three of thankful gratitude. Why? It all started with a blogging milestone two days ago. I found myself in a state of humble with a sincere heart of gratitude. If you would like to backtrack, please be my guest ** Contemplating the magnitude of milestones, God placed the idea of continuing the thanksgiving carrying it out in daily measures. Plus, God being the humorist He is, asked if I could partake in such a challenge without cynicism or sarcasm. This is not my best time of year (see yesterday’s comment about grizzly bears in winter Wyoming). All the while keeping up with my myriad of anti-fear projects, I accepted the challenge. It remains to be seen if I can express gratitude throughout the thankful month of November.
On day two, I expressed thanks for a pushy God and how he refused to let me drown in the pond of stagnation.
Today, I find Christmas at the top of my thankful list. No, not the lights, the sounds, the smell, the production, the hoopla, the fanfare, the money, the TV programs, the commercials, the cards, candy, cookies, pies, cakes, and so on (really, it’s an endless list). Black Friday deals flood my inbox currently. Christmas–I’m thankful that my ransom came. I feel a bit like the Israelites of the old testament–wandering lost, hopeless without direction while God beats his head on his giant God desk. “Fine, I’ll go get her” as He steps out of Heaven on my behalf.
“For unto you, this day is born in the city of David, a Savior which is Christ the Lord” Luke 2:11
–Lost and hiding in the dark, you found me, Lord. Unsure if you looked for a while or knew my exact location. I thought I outran you, and I did not expect you to come to hell to find me. Deservedly scared and alone, my captor kept me shackled–a fitting punishment. I overheard you speaking with him about my ransom. It was costly, but you agreed to give your only son in exchange for my life. You said I was worth your sacrifice. At that, the chains fell, and I was free to leave.
Why set me free? Why give your only son after I took you for granted? I ran away, hid, cursed your name, and turned my back on you. I did not deserve freedom; I earned the chains that bound me. You agreed, but you loved me beyond what I could see. You loved me immeasurably more than my angry stubbornness. My broken heart cried as you showed me my hope and my future.–
My ransom came in the form of a baby born in a stable. Surrounded by barnyard friends, the savior of my soul drew his first breath; hope came to life. He shattered the dark, fulfilling promise and prophecy. The light of the world came to take my place one cold December night in the most humbling way.
Silently I wept, as we watched the scene unfold. How could you sacrifice that precious little boy for my cold, bitter heart? So quiet and innocent, and his hands and feet were tiny while his eyes were so bright and unforgettable. Heaven rejoiced, shouting “Glory to God in the highest” for the King of Heaven and Earth was born. And you gave him as my ransom.
How do I repay you? You secured my freedom; I’m forever in your debt. I have no silver, no gold; I have nothing to give. You lifted my tear-stained face and looked directly into my eyes while you explained how you gave your son freely. He was your gift to me, for me. In return, you wanted me to accept your gift–your child as my ransom. His life for my soul. You asked me to believe with all my heart that my debt was paid. “Live free but never forget the sacrifice.”
I will never forget this baby in the straw, my forever Christmas gift. For he is called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. From my knees, I’ll adore; from the mountain tops, I’ll proclaim the story of how you paid my debt with your only son. —
“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus because he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
May this Christmas and every Christmas serve as a reminder of Hope. The chains of my oppressor were forever broken by the precious baby who paid my debt with his life–perfect love.
Yes, thank you Lord Jesus!!